A Revelation

 

Tonight is not the best night to have insomnia, but it’s almost inevitable as neurons explode like fireworks in the tiny space of my cranium. It’s effortless to even think, like a result of our involuntary reflexes.

It’s 4:45am now and I just gave up sleeping after 3 agonising hours of tossing and turning, trying to find a best position to sleep in. In the process, I thought of some interesting things of which only 2 are prominent enough for me to remember.

1) If you think about it, we can liken our body to the Earth, in a sense that a raise in just a few degree Celsius would have a detrimental effect on both. Earth part was inspired by Discovery Channel and body part was inspired by a febrile patient.

2) I have been very puzzled every time my piano teacher made the same comment that I always rushed when I played my scales. So logically I always slowed down after that though I didn’t clearly understood what was wrong actually.

After mulling over it during my insomnia, I finally received a revelation of the meaning of “rush” and how different it is from “fast”.

Fast – Implies a predictable constancy of consistency.

Rush – Implies an reckless inconsistency of speed,  a metronome’s worst enemy.

So bottomline of that revelation, USE A METRONOME. Set it as fast as you want, but FOLLOW the tempo.

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With just an hour left to sleep, the break of dawn is quite a scary thing. I have to reach the hospital by 7am and highlight of the day is to discharge an illegal immigrant. I hope I get to call the ICA, add some drama into my already _____ life.

I can’t find an appropriate word to fill that blank.

Have a rehearsal later at night too, it’s been too long since I last practised on the cello. It is beginning to seem distant and daunting. Why does it have to go lower down my priority list every time my life gets busier?

All the best to me, I only hope to survive Wednesday.

Surprises

Went back to work after 2 days off only to discover a new patient with an open fracture involved in a road traffic accident. The hair at the back of my thighs stood and I could feel my legs became slightly weaker, upon seeing long metal screws (external fixation) sticking out of his heavily bandaged leg.

I haven’t seen anything like that before, and worse, not mentally prepared to see one at 7am. We talked for a while and he told me his story. I realised most patients love talking, especially about themselves.

I felt darn accomplished yesterday to finally pluck up my courage to talk to this permanently angry patient, after 1 week. From what I observed, he was always scolding his caregiver and other nurses. Thankfully our little talk went well, as in he didn’t get angry haha. I haven’t seen a slightest smile from him until now, and my aim is to make him smile hahaha.

Personally, I need to talk to my patients and create some kind of relationship. It’s just not fitting for me to nurse a stranger, if you know what I mean. Especially since I’m still a student, I don’t want my patients to feel that they are objects of my experiments. As crude as that sounds.

It’s disturbing for me to see students surrounding a patient to observe a procedure, without the consent of the patient. It’s not a show nor an exhibition. 2 is fine, >3’s a crowd. That being said, patients’ dignity is a big concern for me and I can get anal about it.

I think all patients should know the rights they are entitled to. One of which is to disallow nursing students to attend to you. Haha. But I’m uncertain if patients really have the right to choose the kind of treatments and interventions they receive. I mean, of course, this is a democratic country so on black and white, they can. But why are my patients complaining to me that despite voicing out a preference, healthcare professionals still insisted on their way?

Sometimes, I think we know our own body best and healthcare pro. should take heed of patients’ requests and not dismiss them so easily. Sometimes.

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On a lighter note, my music theory result was out today and I got a distinction. Yayyyy! I think it’s a miracle considering how I couldn’t find my exam venue thus was late and darn frustrated, and how the paper was quite different from the past-year papers I did… And I remember erasing a lot of my answers upon checking at the last 30 minutes. I blogged about it previously, describing it as my most agonising paper.

Preparing for my September piano practical exam now… I hope what happened last year won’t happen again this time.

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Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
- Ephesians 3:20

 

A Glimpse Into Nursing Life

And so I’ve been posted to a 6-bedded male cubicle in a neuro-surgical ward. “Neuro” suggests brain disorders/injuries and surgical suggests pre/post operation patients.

It was my first time taking care of male patients so I had a little culture shock, otherwise, I’ve adapted well since it’s a pretty familiar environment.

There are a few cases which I haven’t heard of before. Like having a ventricular-peritoneal shunt inserted to drain excess CSF continuously produced in the brain, into the abdominal area. And insertion of atrial-ventricular fibrillation in the right upper trunk of the body for kidney dialysis, due to excessive use of both hands for the past decade of dialysis.

That patient was recently transferred to our ward to recuperate from operation. He had very bad appetite and only managed to eat 2 spoonfuls of rice that night. While eating, he asked for a plastic bag as he was feeling nauseous, and actually vomited.

Flashback of previous experience played in my mind, where a renal patient asked me for a plastic bag for the same reason, only to pass on shortly after I gave her.

Anyway, it was such a relief when I found out that he could manage to eat a full meal the next day and was no longer feeling nauseous. =) I could see that he looked healthier too. That was a big improvement.

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Last morning while attending to this patient whom I’ve grown to know a lot better, he started sharing about how much trouble he’s causing his wife and daughter now that he’s hospitalised. What I didn’t expect was, he started to cry too.

It was only the beginning of my shift at 7+ and I was trying hard to contain my tears which thankfully I managed to.  It was also my first time being with a crying man and all I could do was to lend a listening ear. Sometimes there is little need for words.

I’ve seen how his wife would come after work every day at about 4pm to visit him and how she would stay till about 9pm with him. It is heartwarming to see how the couple still hold true to the vow they made decades ago when they decided to cleave only to each other, till death do them part.

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It’s been a good 4 days in the ward, 31 more days to go hahaaa…

 

From A Student To A Nurse

 

3 more days to attachment @ NUH. I’m rather looking forward to it actually, it’s the highlight of every semester for me, though I don’t deny that 7 weeks of being a nurse seems slightly daunting.

Would I be able to handle it?

I’ll be posted to an orthopedic ward for 5 weeks, operating theatre  and CDC (near TTSH) for 1 week each. It’d be by far the most challenging attachment in terms of length of time and kind of specialty.

For someone who cringes at the very mention or sight of any bone-related stuff (including dental procedures =/), it’d take a lot out of me I guess. Nonetheless, I must still act professionally and be the best nurse I know how.

I just hope there will be no open fracture cases or deformed limbs or body parts due to broken bones. =/ This would definitely be my first and last time being in an orthopedic ward, and it’s really fine for me not to ever see those cases.

On the other hand, I’m anticipating being in an operating theatre, it’s almost my childhood fantasy. Yay and it’s coming to past soon =) I’m uncertain what kind of operations there’ll be and am hoping there’s nothing to do with the eyes or brain. 0.0 Strangely, I think I’m fine with amputations, in fact, I’m really curious to witness it live.

They say an OT is like a carpenter’s room, with many intimidating equipment and saws. Sometimes even with the smell of barbequed pork? Due to the burning of flesh. o.o Really looking forward to see (or smell ewww.) it for myself and I feel privileged to be able to do so! =) Though, of course, we’ve all heard very bad stories about surgeons and their mannerism.

Communicable Disease Centre (CDC) is quite boring I heard. It’s mainly patient education and much therapeutic communication for people with infectious diseases such as HIV/AIDS and god-knows-what. I’m hoping time flies there, but doubting it will. The thought of travelling all the way to TTSH is a big put off.

My attachment schedule is really bad, it’s like everything I don’t want it to be. Out of 7 Sundays, I have to work on 5 of them and am spared the other 2 only because everyone else is. Thankfully my church has Saturday services, of which I might also not be able to attend to if I have afternoon shifts.

On top of that, I have a performance at the end of the month and looking at my schedule I can only go for about 1 or 2 more rehearsals. I definitely need to swap my shifts or something… It’s such a dreadful hassle.

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My head seems lighter and more spacious now, good time to sleep!

Post Exams!

 

=))))

And so our Year 2 academic studies had come to an end, and we are now trying to utilise our pathetic 1 week of holiday before our 7-week attachment commences next week. Quite a sentence-full hehe.

At midnight while studying for Microbiology, protozoa, worms and all, my bestie text me to go Malaysia after my paper! This is how random we can get! I was so exhilarated (+ the effect of caffeine), I couldn’t sleep the entire night. Literally. Gushes of thoughts flooded my mind, rendering it a malfunctioned, overworked robot.

                           

And so I had the rare chance to witness a gorgeous sunRISE, which totally fascinated me. =)) The last time I did that at home was during my JC days… When school started at 7.30am. Ridiculous timing!

Rushed off after my paper to meet bestie to go Malaysia lol. I still find it amusing.

                               

Enjoying our Mango Ice Kimo, really nice eh. =))

We stayed in City Square mall for about 6 hours and returned at about 11pm. I realised many things could have happened, looking at how high the crime rate is and how they take daylight robbery literally. The transition at the custom felt really dangerous, we were so on our guards. Otherwise all was fine.

Upon reaching Singapore, we realised that both of us were actually uncontactable while in Malaysia. We had no autoroaming!!! We could have been kidnapped (my mum’s concern) and nobody’s ever gonna find us.

“Living life on the edge” perfectly describes that night. It probably was a moment of folly, carelessness and irrationality. Then again, Murphy’s law applies no matter where you are and what you do.

Thank God for protection and for watching over us! =)))

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The next day…

Tuesday @ East Coast Park with bestie (again…), Olive, Imran and Jay the nurses!

We needed to shed away fats accumulated during exam period due to our super sedentary lifestyle and inactivity.

                              

Some things never change, we loved rollerblading @ ECP during secondary school days, and still do! =) Though much lesser now, like once a year? Or less? Lol…

                          

Olive with both our slippers as butt cushion! Waha. We headed off not knowing where to go and then Imran came up with a brilliant idea to go Marina Bay’s Helix Bridge! 0.0 Extremely cool!

                    

Silhouette of Jay as we rested under a bride somewhere near the Singapore Indoor Stadium. 

                    

YES!!! Finally arrived at our destination after about 2.5 hours. It was all worth it! =))) It was my first time there so I was very fascinated with everything, like an awakening of some sleeping senses.

The quite realistic DNA structure reminded me of  “Genes and Society” module I took in Year 1. NUS has seriously taken a hold of me. Waha.

                           

                            

For those who don’t know, the letters on the floor actually has significance to the structure!

C = Cytosine which has 3 Hydrogen-bonds with G (Guanine) &
A = Adenine which has 2 H-bonds with T (Thymine)
They are all nucleotides of a DNA and the H-bonds are what keep the 2 strands of DNA together.

Of course my first thought when I saw “A” and “T” wasn’t that but a nicer name. Hahaha. Otherwise I won’t be so fascinated as to taking a picture with some nucleotides. =P

                          

Bad angle of the Singapore Flyer. =/ Took it as I whee-ed past haha.

We were so tired, we took a cab back to East Coast. FAILED. Lol. The boys cycled back though. Only because a cab can’t fit in 2 bikes =Pp

                 \

Finally resting for good! Tiredness was written all over our faces. It only proved how much more we needed to exercise!

                

A little glimpse of sunset to end off the day. =)

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Bro got his driving license yesterday on his FIRST attempt! =) And so he drove us around tonight under the close guidance of my dad. But dad had to come down and help him with parallel parking hahaha. I’m happy just being driven around, it’s too much of a hassle!

We went for a joyride down ECP highway and past the Helix bridge again! Obviously it was my suggestion haha cos I wanna look at the lights on the bridge at night =Pp.

Again, my life was put at risk in the hands of a new driver!

These 2 days have been extremely life-threatening. Hahaha. Talk about post-exams celebration! Lol.

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Rest of the week will be more toned-down, as I devote my time to my much neglected instruments. Much to catch up and improve.

And then I’ll be robbed of my life again, for 7 weeks.

Till then…

Exam Review

 

Done with 3 papers in these 2 days.

Nursing – Quite bad
Medical sociology – Bad
Politics – Happy

Psychology – Tomorrow
Microbiology – Next Monday (Sian.)

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I hate open-book papers actually. Ironically I feel more restricted to write even though we can bring in all the materials we’d need. It is precisely because of that that I feel my answer has to be PERFECT which I know is IMPOSSIBLE, so I just don’t know how to write it to match my expectation. Sigh… If you understand what I mean.

In similar vein, I am always struggling to write a satisfactory essay assignment even though we have access to academic journals and well, the internet. Same reason.

Though politics exam was also in the essay format, it was done through pure memorisation and ability to crap sensibly. Thus I find it easy to write and was happy with my paper, regardless of the result I’m gonna get. It’s the sense of knowing you have done the best you know how.

The time of exam is also a major determinant factor for me. Nursing and Sociology papers both started at 9am? It’s such an ungodly time for me to write anything decent or intelligent. Usually I’m still asleep or barely awake at 9am. For the past 2 days, it also came to my realisation that so much is happening while I am sleeping.

Mornings are such stressful time, with people rushing about with the hustle and bustle of life. I had excess time this morning and so was standing by my window and people-watched. I noticed their pace of walking was much faster then any other time of the day and people seemed to have a purpose to achieve, a destination to go. I kinda liked that scene, like how every one has a role to play in society.

Psychology paper starts at 1pm tomorrow. Nice timing. I’ve read through the entire textbook leaving a non-examined chapter out. If only every module and textbook is that interesting? This is by far the only module that is able to greatly captivate my interest. I’m just happy that I acquire this knowledge, regardless of my result.

Well, in the process of it all, I’ve seen how people are so hard up about grades and all, that doing better than others mean so much? I think comparing to gauge where you stand is fine, but comparing to know that you’ve outdone so-and-so is just plain distasteful.

Like so what? Does it make you more intelligent in any way?

Yay to meritocracy, boo to its ugly side effects.

 

My Awesome Kids

 

And so it goes, I have 5 kids now, ranging from 3-18 years old. =) 2 piano and 3 tuition.

A new 4 year-old girl was added today haha and she totally made my day! =)

While teaching her halfway, she took out something from her mum’s bag and showed me.

Me: What is that??
Her: *Giggles*
Me: *Takes a closer look* Oh, is that your diaper??? Why do you show me?? Hahaha.

Kids do the darnest thing! Waha.

And so I was trying to get her familiarised with the piano keys and had her put her tiny palm on the back of my hand (for a piggyback ride =P) as I pressed on the blacks keys.

"2 black keys, 3 black keys, 2 black keys, 3 black keys….”

                    

Until we reached the lowest set where there sits only one black key. Then I turned to look at her

Me: Oh.. Left one lonely black key… Usually nobody cares for it (since it’s the 2nd lowest note)… Do you want to care for it?
Her: Yes! (With all sincerity, and stretched over to press it.)

Omg so cute!!! And I don’t know where my lameness came from seriously. 

Kids are such wonders. =)))

Study Week

 

As the title suggests, it is NUS’ (or NUS’s?) study week now. I hate study week the most, though it seems like a good excuse to avoid other commitments. The thing is, even with so much (seemingly) free time, I am mentally imprisoned.

At the back of my mind, haunting screams keep calling for me to study and they won’t cease until they bind me to a chair in front of my books. Ok I’m exaggerating, but it’s about 80% true.

While lying on my bed at 4:30am, about to give in to a short slumber, it suddenly dawned upon me that I have piano lesson at 11am. My heart skipped a beat as I leapt out of my bed and readjusted my alarm clock.

How could I forget my weekly lesson? =/

Anyway, my teacher started off with scales, my worst section. I could sense she was getting impatient and so I was getting frustrated, with myself. I could only blame myself for not practising.

After the agonising moment, we moved on to my exam piece. She reduced the speed for practice from 48 to 46 cos I couldn’t play in time. Again, I was kinda frustrated because I could play in time in my room and I actually find it distracting when she played along with me an octave higher. But of course, I could only blame it on my poor… Time management?

Moving on, she had me started on my 3rd exam piece – Chopin Mazurka in A minor, op.7 no. 2. It was on repeat for over 2 hours while I studied and I’m beginning to like it. =) Actually I don’t really have good impression of Chopin piano pieces cos the long-windedness never fail to make me drowsy, though he’s supposedly a “piano poet”. I love his cello sonatas so much more. =)

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Anyway, I hope this song will encourage all of you as it has for me. Sometimes, there are too many voices in our head or that of other people, which make us feel inferior or inadequate.

But God, our Creator, paints a whole different picture of us. He says that we are an apple of His eyes, that each of us is really special to Him and He really loves us despite all our shortcomings.

Makes me wanna cry just writing this. Ok enjoy…

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Joshua 1:9

The Frog Needs To Be Out Of The Well

 

Things are looking bleak now. I have lost my appetite yet again.

Just received a letter from my cousin in Japan, in it she attached a brochure of Nagoya, the place she’s living and studying in now. She ended the letter with “It should make you more keen to visit!” Lol, so cute.

If things go well, I’d definitely love to go at the end of the year. Anyone wanna tag along? Free accommodation! We can go eat sushi and see geishas together =)))

I just had a casual thought, that perhaps it’d be good to work in the UK for a while after maybe a year in local hospital? After all, their healthcare system is much more advanced, their salaries are much higher, nurses are more respected and best of all they have very established music therapy.

The flipside is that as an Asian I might be treated as a second-class citizen and since racism is prevalent there, I might get randomly shot down in the street after saving their own citizens at work.

However, if I wanna bring music into local hospitals, that is the best place to learn from. Like for my cousin, she’s learning the Japanese language, so obviously Japan is the best place to learn.

In addition, I have my music path to sort out. I’ll take things one at a time as for now.

Singapore is too small a place to be stuck in. =/

 

My Bedroom Walls

I spend most of my time at home in my room, minding my own business.

If the walls have eyes, they’d see how ugly I look when I cry, how silly I look when I laugh at my laptop, how bored I am while studying, how distressed/determined/satisfied (hardly) I am with my instruments.

If the walls have ears, they’d hear my most intimate prayers, my cries and whimpers, how whiny I can get with my instruments, my mf  laughter, my airy singing and my “Oh noooo”s and “Oh my god!!!”s while watching “Glee”.

And if they really have ears… They’d have crumbled down by now due to the so-called music I produced.

Almost all of the above listed happened on just this one day.

Perhaps ignorance is bliss? Sometimes it is probably good not to see or hear certain stuff.

Psychology is psychotic.

I can’t describe how hopeless I’m feeling right now.

My relationship with music has been good, at least I can see an apparent improvement over 1 week.

But I have a feeling this semester is so screwed for me. I had just received a call (sixth one at 8.15pm)  from the Psychotic Psychology Department of NUS regarding my term paper, after dismissing 5 previous calls from them cos it was an unknown number.

There is a reason why I seldom pick up unknown calls, very often nothing good ever come out of those.

Upon being told to meet them next Monday, I asked if my paper was “really bad” and the caller (my tutor cum coordinator for Psychology) told me it wasn’t, and that they just wanna “address some concerns” ….

Ok whatever that means.

The thing is, I’ve been studying Psych this whole afternoon cos that’s my only hope and favourite module for this semester. I got 84 the previous test and thought that this could at least help with my CAP.

And now I received that ____ call.

It just crushed every hope that I have. I don’t even feel like studying now. What’s the point.

______ __ .  =’’(

 

                               

Sunday @ East Coast!

                                                                     

My JC friend Si Min! She joined me for church and we went ECP after service with my cell =)) I love this picture of her cos I took it. And I think my backview is nicer than my front. Sadly.

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Anyway, I had great pleasure hanging out with Steph Chan tonight. I was kinda bored with school and she happened to be in town. We spent 5 quality hours together, out of that perhaps 3-4 hours talking about music.

She was confused as to what I wanna do in life. Nursing or music??? It’s kinda clear to me that nursing is merely a responsibility, something I HAVE to and called to do. Otherwise, I know I will carry this burden for the rest of my living days.

Music, on the other hand, has always been my passion. It’s something I have wanted to do since as young as I can remember and it’s something I WANT to do for the rest of my living days.

It is, however, not easy to juggle between both, especially since they are of completely different worlds. Many times I find myself torn between two, the mental conflicts are tragic. How am I supposed to divide myself when both are screaming for my attention with equal loudness?

Weigh my priorities.

Music wins.

Because I know the effort I invest in now is gonna last me through my life, till my dying days. But I can’t say the same for studies though I love learning very much.

I find it hard to justify. There is a guilt in me every time I spend more time practising than studying. How ridiculous.

Hate the constant battle within me.

And so I’ve finally changed my blogskin. =) It was one of the nights when you just refused to do anything you knew you should. In addition, I stayed up really late just to read my 2004/05 entries and reminisce on my past.

Nothing glorious though.

I couldn’t help but to burst into laughter at some of the silly things I wrote and did. And that was about 4.30am. It’s probably good to look back once a in blue moon and reflect on the changes we’ve made in our lives, be it good or bad. Oh and I found a long-lost song which I wrote and forgot about. I like the lyrics! =)))

That aside, my days have been rather low recently. I could probably attribute that to my sickness which is impeding me in some ways. Many times I’m too drowsy to focus  for long and it takes a lot out of me just to study or practise.

I realise I have been whining a lot more to my instruments and that should never be within the earshot of anyone, for obvious reasons.  It’s just meaningless sounds of frustration, not that they serve any purpose though… =/

I was just practising my current orchestra piece on the cello and at the end of my practice, I realised I was hearing my conductor’s voice throughout. Him telling me how it should be played when I reached a certain bar and him counting “1… 2… 3… 4…”.

What happened was, I was slightly late for the recent rehearsal and there happened to be no other cellist. So the moment I entered the room, I felt like turning 180 degrees and go right back home. I mean… Dvorak No. 8?!?! It has so many solo cello parts!!! How am I going to survive. =(((

Flashbacks of previous experiences revived and haunted me for a while. I thought of the time when I was singled out to play some bars because of some mistakes. Then I was just an amateur and noob (and sadly still is) to this whole cello/orchestra thing. Needless to say, I was traumatised and rejected the cello for a period of time. I even refrained myself from looking at it every time I walked past it at home.

So anyway, my conductor was really relieved that I was there, I mean at least there was a cello, though in my mind I was like “Omgomgomgomg”. Well, the whole rehearsal didn’t turn out as bad as I had thought it would be. My conductor was very kind to have guided me throughout (probably knowing how stressed I was) and encouraged me every time I played correctly. I’m fortunate in a sense he is also a cellist. =)

I couldn’t ask more. He’s the best conductor I’ve come across. Other conductors might have screamed at me, torn my score, or chased me out. Maybe. Ha.

Albeit surviving through the rehearsal, I broke down when I reached home. The pressure was a tad too intense for me. I did not play up to my own expectation, the orchestra had to repeat some parts because of me and I couldn’t catch up at some parts.

In the midst of crying, I text my conductor to thank him for that night. And he commented that I have improved loads and he could hear my improvement. =) That meant a lot to me, though I couldn’t help feeling sad.

I think it was quite an achievement tonight to even take out the score and practise it, ignoring what happened and determining to get it right. Well, there’s no point brooding over it since  eventually I still need to practise and get it right. As right as I can…

I just have to say it again, I’m very very thankful for my conductor, it could have been a lot worse.

 

Not in the best of health recently being down with sore throat and running/runny nose resulting in intermittent blocked ears.

But happy to spend the entire Tuesday in my room, only leaving for toilet breaks and food in kitchen. =))

Otherwise, my room has everything I need for survival.

I think my life is too predictable, there are just these few (interesting) things that I always do haha…

 

And so I’ve been reading the Psychology textbook on personality. I still cannot decide if I’m an introvert or an extrovert…

Sometimes I’m this and sometimes that, depending on situations and people (Ok maybe I’m not that predictable… But my life is haha.). However, I think I’m an introvert innately.

I love entertaining myself (that includes laughing at my own jokes) and am perfectly fine being alone anywhere.

Being “anti-social” in Psychology term, does not mean choosing to be alone or avoiding social activities as it is conventionally presumed. Rather, it means deviating from the social norms, exhibiting irresponsible and harmful behaviours. Such as, lying, stealing, murder, manipulation of others.

So… Obviously I’m not an anti-social as a few have commented. *ahem*

 

That being said, I’m also fine in the presence of (non-creepy) people. Especially recently, I don’t know how did I manage to find so many words to say. Omg. It’s probably my almost all-girl environment in school haha…

 

Hence the confusion over introversion and extraversion. But I don’t actually care, if not for the topic which intrigued me enough to do a little self-reflection…

 

Oh by the way… My own world is a very special place, accessed only by me. =))) And perhaps my future half =))) In it, I live my dreams.

I hope to be able to bring it into reality, so I can share my little world with everyone too hehehe.

I think you can dismiss my previous thought about imperfection and a human touch, that is probably just a convenient excuse.

Maybe. I don’t know…

 

It’s just a fine line between mistakes and accidents.

There are some situations which are beyond our control no matter how many I-should-haves our mind can conjure up.

The best comment I have heard in 2010 is “You are not a CD player.”

It was for a friend after his piano recital of which he thought he played badly in.

 

That sentence struck me and had me mulled over it for days.

Does creativity mean playing an exact replica of a recorded piece? Do we strive for excellence or perfection?

If the purpose of live performances is to connect the audience through music, isn’t having a little imperfection a better representation? An indirect human touch, to remind ourselves that no matter how much we have prepared, there will always be a possibility for screw-ups.

“Human error” they call it.

Unfortunately, very often society deems that “humanness” unacceptable on stage.

The stage could jolly be the scariest place on earth, where imperfection is scorned at and where mistakes are amplified.

I think it takes much courage to be a musician, for putting yourself up in a position where it’s easy for others to pull you down.

It also requires a strong person to get back on his feet again, putting behind his past and walking forward towards his imagined destination.

A dream is a thought of which we use our whole life attempting to manifest, bringing it from the invisible realm into the natural realm. It is costly, it requires all of us.

And it is probably worth all the heartaches, headaches, sweat and tears at the end of the day. :)

YIPEEEEEEE.

I am finally done with all my essay assignments for this semester, and have gone through 5 essays and 3 exams since CNY, ie in ~6 weeks.

I hope that’s just a ONCE in a lifetime experience. I’m mentally exhausted now, but extremely happy. =)))

I could never have imagined myself having to survive through this, but when you are thrown into the ocean, you NEED to somehow learn how to swim, there and then.

This reminds me of the time I willingly threw myself into the orchestra and nearly got drown, if not, being swallowed by bigger fishes or maybe an octopus.

The only way to learn how to swim is being in the swimming pool, out of your comfortable safety zone. And being in a position where you are vulnerable to being ridiculed.

You got to have thick skin to shield you from criticisms and a thin heart to be receptive to other people’s comments on how you can further improve yourself.

 

That aside, Olive and I had a great therapy at the movie tonight!!!

Tada! How to train your dragon. =)

Awesome show!!! I love animation. Creativity brings your mind out of the natural realm into a make-believe world. For a tour. =)

And I badly needed that tonight!

This movie reminds me of a verse

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;
1 Corinthians 1:27

Hiccup (the main actor) was the scrawniest and most timid of all, yet he became the one who revolutionised his society.

Night fury/ Knight Furry (his dragon) was the only dragon which doesn’t kill, yet eventually he fought with the strongest dragon and saved every one.

=)

It’s quite encouraging, I have a little more hope now.

 

P.S: Sorry I just have to spoil it. HA

What an unproductive Sunday.

I’m so disappointed in myself.

 

I have not practised cello for 2 days.
My essay is just 1/4 done.

How ill-disciplined.

 

My brain just refused to do anything now, though my heart is urging it to.

Why can’t the both of them ever cooperate.

_________________

 

Today pastor talked about something which I have been thinking about recently, ie waiting.

W = Withstand (holding on to your ground in the face of extreme pressure)

A = Anticipate (Expectation is the atmosphere for miracles!)

I = Intercede (Pray and not lose heart)

T = Trust (Acknowledge the lordship of God)

 

I guess in this fast-paced society, nobody likes to wait. We all want instant gratification.

However, waiting is so essential and a phase everyone has to go through to achieving anything great.

I came up with an analogy a few years ago – the Little Mermaid analogy! =))) Remember how she had to wait until she was at the right age to ‘see the world’? Hearing her sisters blabbered on the wonderful things they saw didn’t help at all.

Still she HAD TO wait. If you remember the ending, it was certainly a worthwhile wait.

 

Waiting also trains us to trust in God’s timing. He is never too early and never too late. Time is in His hands. :)

However, it doesn’t mean that we should just sit around and wait for the promises. Faith is a verb, it is never passive.

So keep doing what it takes to achieve our dreams while waiting patiently for them to come to past. =)

My dad promised to buy me an iPhone next week!!! It’s so timely as my current phone is starting to get cranky now, though I like it a lot.

I’m just thinking if someone like me would need such a phone. I hardly even use my phone, much to the frustration of many when they try to reach me. I think. And I can’t imagine having to charge my phone every day when I only do it once every 3 days now.

 

 

Anyway, shortly after being exhilarated upon hearing the news, someone angered me.

He was staring at me, looking darn frustrated like I did something wrong? I stared right back at him, until he looked away.

What a/an _______. 

If your conscience is clear, you do not have to be afraid of anything or anyone. There resides in you a kind of boldness, a quiet confidence, a come-what-may attitude.

 

 

Oh and I really like African songs!!!!!

The Africans are exceptionally awesome!

They exude a kind of rawness and genuineness that make me very happy. I like their unpretentiousness too =)

It makes me smile just listening to them. =)))

Music right out of the heart =)

It was such a relief submitting my politics essay =) But I doubt I will do well.

I’d say it’s rather demoralising at times in university when you look at your results, think back on your past results in previous schools and wonder what the hell happened to you.

 

Gave myself a little treat earlier by watching a chick-flick – When In Rome.

Wahaha it’s so funny, easy on the brain with average typical love story plot. I’d give 3.5/5

The main actor looks good at first and kinda normal subsequently but vice versa for the actress.

I find unassuming-looking guys the most attractive, like you know there is much more in them than the way they look.

 

Hmmm I know I probably shouldn’t even think of that 4-letter word now that my Sociology essay is crying out to me. However, regarding matters of the heart, it clings on to you day and night until you address them.

And I probably wouldn’t say it here.

But I know God knows because He’s the only one whom I tell everything to… Regarding that.